Birthday Awesomeness

Hi there friends. Sorry I haven’t written a bloggeration in a while, but I’ve been really busy[1]. Luckily this business[2] has given me lots and lots of updates to share with you, my faithful readership[3].

For starters, I got a jobby job at long last! Starting on Tues

day, July the 6^th I will begin my new job as an Internal Communications Specialist at PG&E. For those of you who don’t live on the West coast[4], PG&E is the power provider for most of the West coast. Needless to say, I’m crazy excited about it and can’t wait to start!

In other, sadder, news – I turned 29 this week. Despite the fact that I

am now one year closer to my cold cold grave, the California branch of the family had a momentous, life changing[5], two day long celebration of the anniversary of my birth. It involved Frenchmen, hamburgers, velvet, and (purportedly) haunted mansions built by eccentric millionaires.

That’s right folks, 29 years ago on June 17^th,1981 at 10:42 I came into the world. To mark my birth, the sun went dark due to an unscheduled solar eclipse. At that same time, a two headed box turtle was born with only one head, and a man named Eustice burped. It was horrible.

Locally, we ce

lebrated the 29^th anniversary of my birth with the giving of gifts. From the parents Sumner I got seasons one and two of the “new” Doctor Who series.

And from the wife I received the gift of comic book awesomeness and hilarity, in the for of the Starman Omnibus Vol. 4 and Mystery Science Theatre 3000 vol. 17.

Truly, it was a celebration to end all celebrations. I would have been more than happy with those gifts, but my lovely wife had to take it to the next level by taking me to Hubert Keller’s Burger Bar in San Francisco.

For those of you who don’t know, Hubert Keller is a French chef who has appeared on Public Television and (some would say) more importantly Top Chef Masters where he won the title of Top Chef Master in the show’s first season. I must say, that Frenchman makes a deliciously fancy burger, and a darn tasty milkshake. He also has a delicious beard.

I'm the sexiest man alive! And I'm french!

Here’s some pictures of our food:

That's a fancy burger my friend.

A close up of the deliciousness

The missuses hamburger

A mountain of fried deliciousness that the chef threw in because he loved me (or, more liekly, because he cooked too much food).

It's probably best not to dwell on the implied caloric intake of said milkshake, and instead bask in it's radiant glory.

As if that weren’t enough, my wife then made a deliciously fattening Red Velvet Cake.

To cap off the celebration, we spent yesterday afternoon at the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose California. If you’ve never been to the mystery house, it’s fun in the way that most cheesey tourist traps are: once. They wouldn’t let you take pictures on the tour, but here’s some of the exterior shots.

The Winchester Mystery House Exterior

Another shot of the house

Me in front of the house. That's right... my shirt say "Praise the Lard"

The missus in front of the house.

In the garden of the Winchester Mystery House

All told, this was a delightful birthday, and I can only hope that your next birthday is as delightful as mine was.

Ya’ll stay classy… wherever ya’ll is…

Blakely A-dam Sumner

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[1] Actually, I’ve just been lazy. So, so lazy.

[2] Once again, I haven’t necessarily been “busy” as much as I’ve been lazy. So, so lazy.

[3] Hi Mom!!!

[4] Or “Left” coast as I’ve sometimes heard it referred to.

[5] Well… life changing in the sense that every single thing you ever do changes your life somehow.

Music for a Quiet Evening at Home

It’s a quiet evening, and quiet evenings call for relaxing music. Here’s some songs I like to listen to when I need to unwind a bit and just enjoy some music.

Denvermolorado by Atmosphere

This is actually an incredibly depressing song, but man is that beat smooth. I wish I could rap[1].

The Night by Morphine

If you ever get stuck on a road trip with me at night, you’ll hear this song at least once[2].

Sovay by Andrew Bird



I was gettin’ready to be a threat. I was gettin’ set for my accidental suicide. The kind where no one dies and no one looks too surprised. Good lyrics. Good song.

Debra by Beck



The subject matter of the song is… disturbing[3] but (once again) the groove is just too tasty[4]

All the Wine by The National



First, I love the fact that who ever posted this video on youtube decided to post a picture of the James Brown Christmas album in the video. That was a classy choice. This song is like Spill the Wine by War… if War had ever used the line “I’m a birthday candle in a circle of black girls” in a song and were much more laid back[5].

In Da Club (NIN Remix)



I don’t know who thought this would be a good idea… but thank you. Thank you. From the bottom of my coal black heart… thank you.

Bullet and a Target by Citizen Cope



I got nothing to say about this song, except it’s awesome. Peanut butter and chocolate awesome.

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by The Postal Service



Really, I could’ve used any Postal Service song. This just happens to be my favorite.

Girlfriend in a Coma by The Smiths

If you listen to this song, you’ll feel about about feeling so happy when you listen to it.

American Girls by Weezer (Mostly)



I wish this song was on a CD. It would change my life.

Dear God 2.0 by The Roots



I want to start by saying I’m not a huge fan of the Roots. I know they’re good, and I love the fact that they are the rare rap act that actually plays their own instrument, but I’ve never felt a compelled to delve beyond Baby You Got Me. However, when I heard this song (a remake of a Monsters of Folk[6] song) that is just delightful. Apparently, the song is going to be on the new Roots album, which makes me think I may want to buy it.

There you have it friends. Good music for your listening pleasure. You can thank me later.

Ya’ll stay classy… wherever ya’ll is…

Blakely A-dam Sumner

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[1] My rap name would be Pale Ale. Because I’m incredibly pale. Get it?

[2] Although I don’t know why we’d take a road trip together. That would be weird.

[3] To say the least.

[4] I’d like to apologize for my blatant use of the word tasty just then. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway. It didn’t sound as lame when I said it in my head.

[5] And I don’t think the lead singer for the National ever reffered to himself as an “overfed, long haired leaping gnome. But it would be awesome if he did.

[6] For those of you non-hipsters in the reading audience, Monsters of Folk is a “super group” comprised of My Morning Jacket’s Jim James, M. Ward, and Conor Oberst and Mike Moigs (Both from the band Bright Eyes). It’s a decent album, but the best songs on the album are the one’s written by Jim James.

A few things to consider

I'm feeling incredibly lazy this evening, so I decided that I'd leave you with a few things to ponder over the weekend. Enjoy, but don't strain your brain too much.

1.) Why does Lady Ga Ga yell “truth!” at the start of Just Dance?

2.) If you’re going to be on a reality show, and you’re from Georgia[1], act like you’ve got some ____ sense. If you’re going to hold it down for the dirty, then please act rationally. Don’t cry when the judges give you constructive criticism. Stay sober. Don’t make out with more then one dude or lady. Better yet, don’t make out with any dudes or ladies. People think poorly of the peach state already. They don’t need you enforcing any negative stereotypes.

It hurts Harry Dawg's heart when you act a fool.

3.) What is Gonzo[2] exactly?

Good gawd man... this is... BAT COUNTRY!!!

4.) Never refer to Pizza as “za”. It demeans both you and the pizza.

5.) Megan Fox was recently fired from Transformers 3. Who will they find that is willing to talk interact with vaguely racist evil robots while running through the dessert in slow motion for 45 plus minutes without getting tired as well as she can?

6.) Speaking of Megan Fox… Jonah Hex? Really? You couldn’t find a more obscure/horrible comic book based movie to be in? Do you hate yourself, your career, and your acting millions that much?

Yep... this is what teenage girls want their next heartthrob to look like...

7.) At some point in your life, you will eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that will be better than any other peanut butter and jelly sandwich you will ever eat. You may have already eaten it.

Note: The video I am posting doesn't have nothing to do with nothing, but Reggie and the Full Effect is an awesome band, and this video makes me laugh.

8.) Once time, I was going to start a band called Fancy Pants Greg and the Wizards, but then I realized:

a. My name isn’t Greg

b. My pants aren’t fancy

c. None of the wizards were actually practicing magicians[3].

d. I can’t play a musical instrument

9.) Why can’t computers in real life do the same stuff that they can on television and in the movies?

10.) I’ll probably never be the subject of one of Kanye West’s hurtful and (often) bigoted rants. I’m not entirely certain how I feel about this development.

Imma let you finish Blake Sumner, but you need to know that you're blog is the worst blog of all times. ALL TIMES!

Ya'll stay classy... wherever ya'll is...

Blakely A-dam Sumner

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[1] Particularly south Georgia.

[2] The muppet, not the style of journalism pioneered by the late Hunter S. Thompson.

[3] I think the drummer knew a few card tricks, but that hardly counts.

Literary Adventures

As I’ve mentioned before, I like to go to used bookstores every once and again to look for books. I finished the book I’d been reading early yesterday morning. Since yesterday was a holiday[1], the library was closed and I had no book.

Now, I’m the sort of man who likes to have a book in progress at all times[2]. Normally when this situation arises, I get a back from the bookshelf. However, all of our books are in storage at the moment so I was forced to head out to Half Priced Books in search of a novel to keep my mind occupied. When I got to the bookstore, I was delighted to see that they were having a Memorial Day sale and I immediately set myself to the task of finding a book to read. As I was looking through the books, I came across a copy of Brett Easton Ellis’ first novel Less than Zero.

I had no intention of buying the book, as I already own a copy. However, this edition of the book was different than the one I have, and I like to thumb through different editions of books I own to see if they have a different forward, afterward, or some other essay that might add some insight to the book[3] I might have missed. Since I’d never seen this particular printing of this book, I figured I’d look to see if there was something extra.

As I pulled the book down from the shelf, I noticed that someone had written something on the inside cover with a sharpie. Being an English major, I find it interesting to see what people see fit to right in the margins of books[4]. Of course I wanted to see what the former owner of this book felt compelled to write on the inside cover of the book, and boy was it a doozie.

Apparently this particular copy of less than zero had been a gift in its’ former life. The book was originally intended to be a gift from a boy to a girl, and the note went something like this[5]:

“Dearest Jeanine,

I can only hope that you love this book as much as I love you – although I don’t know if that would be possible.

Sincerely,

Steve”

As I put the book back on the shelf, I immediately thought three things:

1. OUCH!
2. Who gives a copy of Less than Zero to their girlfriend?
3. OOOHH!!! DAVE EGGERS!!![6]

I suppose you’re wondering why I thought those things[7]. Well, since you asked so nicely, I’ll tell you!

Why my first thought was OUCH!

As I’ve already noted, I was in a used bookstore. Used bookstores (typically) buy and trade pre-owned books in exchange for cash or store credit. Since I found this book in a used bookstore, I can only assume that said book was originally given as an act of love. However, things must have gone sour in their relationship – forcing the girl to break up with him and sell the book she’d given him. By the nature of the note alone, and act like that has to be a heart stinger.

Poor Steve gave this woman the gift of literature. At the first sign of trouble, this heartless shrew sells Steve’s singular expression of love and sells it for three to four dollars so that jerk-holes such as myself can mock Steve’s lost love on the interweb. I’d almost feel sorry for the guy, if his note hadn’t sucked out loud.

Why my second thought was “Who gives a copy of Less than Zero to their girlfriend?

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Bret Easton Ellis’ first novel, here’s a brief description[8]:

Titled after the Elvis Costello song of the same name, the novel follows the life of Clay, a rich young college student who has returned to his hometown of Los Angeles, California for the winter break during the early 1980s. He spends much of the novel going to parties and doing drugs with his friends. During this time, he must decide whether or not he wants to restart a relationship with Blair, for whom he is uncertain about his feelings. Meanwhile, Clay has one-night stands with a few men and women on the side while his relationship with Blair goes downhill. At the same time, he attempts to renew his relationship with his best friend, Julian, who has become a prostitute and drug addict. Throughout his descent into the netherworld of the L.A. drug scene, he loses his faith in his friends, and grows alienated with the amoral party culture he once embraced. He is greatly disturbed by four events: first, his anorexic friend Muriel intravenously takes heroin whilst people watch and take photos; his friend Trent shows a snuff film at a party and only he and Blair seem to be disturbed by it; later, he is forced to sit in a chair for five hours to watch Julian sell himself to a businessman from Muncie, Indiana, in order to get money to support his heroin habit; finally, he meets friends at a concert, only to leave and not only find a dead body that everyone wants to see. Once again, his friends are attracted to it. Eventually, these events lead him to leave Los Angeles, possibly intending never to return.

If the description of the book alone isn’t enough to explain why giving this book to a girlfriend, allow me to elucidate further. Giving this book sends the following message to your loved one:

Dearest _______[9],

I want to cheat on you with a cornucopia of chicks and dudes, while partaking in a bevy of hard drugs. Also, I don’t like any of your friends, but I’m too ashamed too tell you. Eventually I’m going to leave you, and it’s all California’s fault.

Yours truly,

John Q. Jerkface

Seriously, this isn’t the “feel good book” of the year people. By giving this book as a gift, this fool was essentially[10] comparing his love affair to the reprehensible actions taken by the characters in the novel. Furthermore, the nature of the note leads me to believe that these two hadn’t been dating for a long time. The phrase “I hope you love this book as much as I love you” implies that they hadn’t been dating for an extended period of time. If they had been dating for a while, he’d most likely know her tastes a bit better, and wouldn’t need to preface the sentence by saying “I hope”. This lapse in judgment led the relationship to take a downturn and, before Steve knew it, he was single again and Jeanine was selling all the books[11] he’d given her[12].

So, what’s the moral here? Simple: If you give your lady[13] a book, make sure that you:

a.) Know what kinds of book she likes

b.) Don’t write a note in the inside front cover, in case your paramour should decide to sell your gift of love in the future

c.) For the love of Bob, make sure that the book has some kind of redeeming value

On second thought, don’t give your significant other a book, unless she specifically asks for a particular book.

Ya’ll stay classy… wherever ya’ll is…

Blakely A-dam Sumner

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[1] Thanks for fighting for my freedom troops!

[2] I get all fidgety if I don’t.

[3] I’m a goober.

[4] Once again, I’m a goober.

[5] I had to paraphrase a bit, but the flavor of the note remains intact.

[6] I’m easily distracted.

[7] Except for thought three, that one is fairly easily explained.

[8] Thanks Again Wikipedia! You’ve made it so I never have to buy a dictionary again!!!

[9] Fill in the blank

[10] In a round about way, of course.

[11] Sidebar: if he gave her this book, I would absolutely love to see what other books he gave her.

[12] Much to my delight.

[13] Or man.