blogging' it up

I've come to a very important decision. This bloggeration needs an extra touch of class. Oh sure, I often talk about high-toned and fancy to-do's, such as my all encompassing desire for boat shoes and monocles, but I haven't really taken the next step to actually class this muther up. And the reason why I haven't churched this up before now is because I wasn't certain how to fix the ole' girl up in a way that wasn't the equivalent of putting perfume on a turd.

Until now.

That's right. I figured out how to take this blog, which up until this point was essentially a disjointed collection of random things I hate mixed with an almost baker-actable level of insanity (Sidebar: Is "baker-actable" even a real word?"), and turn it into the sort of thing that you'd be happy to invite to Sunday dinner.

How you ask?

Morgan Freeman.

That's right. I said it. Morgan Freeman. It's a well known Hollywood fact that Morgan Freeman can turn any crappy movie into box office gold. And as you can tell by visiting his IMDB page, he is one of the most prolific actors of our age. So I approached him, tentatively, and asked him if I could apply his likeness to my bloggeration from time to time, to make it feel a little more fancytown. Luckily, Morgan accepted, and he will be popping up occasionally... whenever I feel thangs is getting a bit too... low-brow.

Note: Morgan Freeman is in no way actually attached to this abortion of thoughts. Were he to find out that I made this claim, I'm fairly certain he would send a cease and desist notice to me forthright. And once I'd signed the noticed... he'd make me crawl through a mile long tunnel of doo doo. I don't want that too happen to me just yet. So please don't sue me Mr. Freeman. Wherever you are.

That being said... on to the meat (as it were) of this blog. I started running again today, and I am in a world of pain.

I should pause for a moment to say this: I don't like to run. In fact, I don't like to exercise at all. The only reason I do exercise is because I do not want to become fat. Being fat is not fun. You're out of breath all the time. You sweat at inopportune moments. People are afraid to bring small children around you for fear that you may think that those children are a delectable morsel, perfect for snacking. And while I have no problems with people loathing me, I do not want them to lathe me on account of my morbid obesity.

That being said, the run went pretty well. Before we moved I was running 3 miles a day, and I managed to make it 2 and 1/2 miles today without passing out on the treadmill.

Sidebar: It's not fun to pass out on a treadmill that's moving at 6.2 miles an hour. I don't suggest that anyone try it. It hurts your face... your beautiful face.

I'm also thinking of taking up outdoor running. I always wanted to run outdoors in Florida, but I was never able to because of the godforsaken heat. Now that I'm in a climate that isn't as... hot, I think I'll give it a try. Teresa was even joking that I'm going to become some sort of hardcore marathon runner, but that won't happen for one simple reason.

I feel I should pause for a moment and say that what I'm about to say next might piss some folks off. Please bear in mind that this is my own personal opinion, and if my opinion differs from yours in any way, it doesn't mean I hate you (even if your way of think is foreign and barbaric to me). It just means that we're different... and different is good. Our differences are the tapestry that make us a glorious tapestry of diversity.

Wow... it got a little thick in here just now.

The reason why I will never run a marathon is because I just can't justify paying 70 plus dollars for the privilege of running 5 to 100 miles (yes, there are 100 mile marathons) when I can do the same exact thing for free. I ain't mad at ya if you do want to pay to do something you probably find unenjoyable, and can typically do for free. I just think it's weird. If you disagree, that's cool. It just means that you're probably in better shape than I am.

Ya'll stay classy, wherever ya'll is.

Blakely A-dam Sumner

P.S. Morgan Freeman, if you're reading this... please don't sue me. I'm a big fan of yours, and it would suck to be sued by someone I hold in such high regard.