the $5.00 bin

I want to start with an admission: I'm a hipster.

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with exactly what a hipster is, A hipster is a person who is strongly associated with a subculture that has been deemed "hip", or "hep". The term was used originally in the 1940s and 1950s to describe aficionados of jazz, and it eventually described many members of the Beat Generation, but its usage declined in the 1960s, with the advent of hippies. Since the mid 1990s, the word "hipster" has been redefined to refer to members of a different subculture. Modern hipsters are those devoted to ironic retro fashions, indie music and film, alternative comics, and other forms of expression outside the mainstream.

As a hipster, this means that I have to be obsessed with dressing horribly (I do), reading alternative comix (a comix is like a comic book... but it's spelled with an X so you'll know it's edgy), and loving the music of Vampire Weekend (click here to see a sample of their musics).

To be a true hispter... one has to be willing to be weird for the sole purpose of being weird. That is to say, one has to have an intense disdain for all that is "normal" about popular culture, and an intense tolerance of anything that's vaguely left of center. Why? Because if you're in any way like someone else, then you're just another conformist!!!

Note: I realized just now that the last sentence i wrote is pretty much completely embodies the sentiment of Pink Floyd's entire body of work. Hispters do not like Pink Floyd. Hippies, degenerates, and drug addicts like the Music of Pink Floyd. This calls my hipster credibility into question... but we won't dwell on that for now.

So, like I said, I'm a hipster in pretty much every aspect of my life... except for movies. I absolutely have the worst taste in movies ever. For example, some of my favorite Movies of all time include:

I think we can all admit that these are some of the worst movies of all time, but each one of the holds a special place in the cockles of my coal black heart, and they can all be found in the five dollar bin of your local wal-mart.

This is deadly for me, b/c I'm a sucker for horrible movies. For example: not too long ago I was in Wal-Mart... when I came across a cop of Crybaby in the $5 bin. Cry-Baby (1990) is a teen-musical film directed by John Waters. It stars Johnny Depp as 1950s teen rebel "Cry-Baby" Wade Walker. The film is a parody of teen musicals and centers on a group of delinquents named the Drapes and their interaction with the rest of the town and its other subculture, the Squares, in 1950s Baltimore, Maryland. "Cry-Baby" Walker, a Drape, and Allison, a Square, create upheaval and turmoil in their little town ofBaltimore by breaking the subculture taboos and falling in love. The movie shows what the young couple have to overcome to be together and how their actions affect the rest of the town.

Crybaby is the worst movie ever made. but if it's ever on tv... I will stop whatever I'm doing to give it my undivided attention, b/c it prominently features a character named Hatchet Face, and it features one of the few career misteps johnny depp has ever had.

So as I stood there, I realized that I had a monumental choice... do I say "screw my hipster

street cred" and buy the crappy movie that is on Cable at least 5 times a week? Or do I be a

wise investor, save my credibility, and wait for another moment of weakness to make this (some

would say essential) addition to my home video library?

It was an epic battle of wills, the likes of which the world hasn't seen since the end of the Return

of the King.... but in the end, my hipster shame won out, and I put that weary volume back upon

the shelf, straightened out my pork pie hate, and let a single tear roll down my face as i drove into

the sunset while the newest belle & sebastian CD played softly in the background.

Then I had a change of heart. I realized I am not, in fact a hipster. B/c no true hipster would ever

admit to being a hipster, b/c a hipster can't bring themselves to belong to any sect of people...

much less a group of their peers. So I went back and bought crybaby, and smokey and the

bandit, and twister! And I deleted all the My Morning Jacket albums from my iPod and replaced it

with It's Raining Men by the Weather Girls and Walking on Sunshine Katrina and the Waves.

And I've never been happier.

Heart Blakely "I may be having a slight identity crisis" Ad-am Sumner

The King (but not for much longer) of Clermont