the hardest part

As our move looms ever closer, I find myself attending more and more goodbye bashes, celebrations, box socials, get-togethers, hootenannies, Sadie Hawkins dance, and what not. So far I've enjoyed these swingin' broo ha has, except for one thing.

The awkward good bye hug.

I know, I know. I look like a giant cuddly teddy bear that the good lord put upon this earth for the sole purpose of giving hugs. This is not the case however. I like giving hugs to Teresa, and my mom... and my grandma... but that's about it really.

Here's the thing about me and hugs. I'm a man who enjoys his personal space, and by hugging you, I'm being forced to give up said personal space.

And it's not that I don't want to hug you. Really. I just feel like we need to slow things down a bit before we wrap our arms around each other. Maybe go for a walk. Or play some skee ball at the arcade. Or fry a turkey. Let's just take it slow. We don't have to hug each other to have a good time.

Which brings me to my next point: it's great to be a dude because dudes rarely, if ever, hug. When you're a dude a handshake says everything you theoretically need to say with a hug. The handshakes shows that you have supreme respect for the other dude, and that you wish them no ill will as they continue on their journey. And yes... I realize that there are occasions when men must hug... but a man hug is a completely different beast.

A man hug involves two men touching shoulders, sticking their butts as far apart as possible (to ensure that your giblets never touch his giblets), closing your hand into a fist and patting the other man on the should with your fist three times (as if to punctuate the following sentiment: I'm. Not. Gay.). This is why I try to avoid the dreaded "bro hug", because of the inherent homophobia within. I'm a horrible person.

That's the beauty of working with mostly males, is that you just shake each others hands promise to keep in touch... and proceed to have a push up contest. But this is not the case with the ladies... oh no... with ladies you have to hug it out... even if you weren't friends, and said maybe all of 15 words to each other in the time you worked together. No... if it's a lady you still have to hug it out.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: Ladies, think before you hug. Mayhap the dude you are trying to tackle doesn't get down like that. Is is so hard to imagine?

Heart,

The huggin' champion of St. Pete Florida

Blakely A-dam Sumner