An Open Forum Letter to The Family Circus

I'd like to start by admitting that I usually read the sunday paper. That's right, I still support a medium that is dying a slow, painful death at the hands of the interweb. I'm weird. I get it. You don't need to rub it in.

That being said, one of my favorite parts of the Sunday paper is reading the Sunday funnies. Despite the fact that I rarely ever laugh at them. The most I ever really expect from a comic strip in a newspaper is to lightly snicker occasionally, but I still read them. Every. Single Strip.

Why you may ask?

Note: even if you didn't ask, you're still going to find out why. I'm sorry if this upsets you, but it really shouldn't because theoretically you wouldn't be reading this unless you cared to know my opinion about various and sundry topics. Unless you're here accidentally. Then I apologize. After reading this, you're roughly two to three minutes closer to the grave with nothing to show for it. I apologize for that, and will somehow make it up to you. I swear.

I guess I read comic strips for the same reason some folks choose to climb Everest: because it's there. I did enjoy comic strips at one point in my youth, but now they often seem trite, convoluted, and I often see the punch line coming from the first panel. But I still read them. I suppose I find they remind me of my misspend youth, and therefore I read in a desperate attempt to feel like I once did as a dirty hillbilly child in south Georgia.

Except for the Family Circus. I hate the Family Circus.

Sidebar: I realize the Family Circus is an easy target, and is pretty much universally despised the world over as being pappy, overly sugary drivel, and that by picking on it, I make myself look like a hater. This is not the case I assure you. I have a legitimate complaint with the Family Circus. If you'll stick with the post, it'll hopefully make sense by the end. Unless you're one of these people who ended up here accidentally. Then I apologize completely... even though you chose not to listen to my earlier warning... so I don't have as much sympathy for you as I did before.

For those of you living in a cave for the past 50 years. It revolves around a fictional family in Arizona who are raising their five children. The plot of a typical strip usually involve one of the children misinterpreting something they've overheard, and then doing something zany. For example: a recent strip showed one of the kids (Jeffy I believe) standing naked in the kitchen telling he mother "but it's my birthday". The implication being that since his birthday, and naked people are often referred to as being in their birthday suits, that one is supposed to spend their birthday in their "birthday suit" (i.e. nekkid).

Go ahead and take a few minutes to stop laughing and regain your composure. I'll go fix myself a snake.

Are you good? Good! So... is this bad/offensive/wrong? No. Does it deserve to be pretended?

Maybe.

I guess the whole purpose of the Family Circus is give provide an outlet to parents who may deal with kids that misinterpret stuff and say something hilarious as a result. Is that sort of thing my cup of tea? No... but it clearly does have an audience... because people have been paying for the privilege of reading this for fifty years.

So, if I don't like the strip, but don't oppose to it in any easily recognizable manner... what am I upset about???

This strip:

What's wrong with this strip you're asking? I'll tell you what's wrong: the fact that Jeffy (or whoever it is) is singing "Pants on the Ground".

I get the joke. Really, I do. Jeffy (or whoever) apparently feels the need to scream everything he says/sings/communicates to his family... until it's time to talk to grandma. Then, Jeffy (or whoever) is suddenly a delicate flower that can't speak lest he wilt too soon.

For those of you who have been living in a cave, or are still boycotting the Fox Network because it had the audacity to peddle smut like Married with Children in the 90s, Pants on the Ground was a song made famous this year by Larry Platt. Larry Platt apparently is the next William Hung, and stole the hearts and minds of Americas youth for approximately two minutes one chilly January night in 2010.

If you haven't seen/heard the song, buy a TV. Until you get a TV, watch the clip by clicking here. It's not a particularly good song, but it was novel. And it got Larry Platt the 15 minutes desperately craved.

Now, what's wrong with being topical? Nothing really, but I don't go to the Family Circus to find out what's popping in pop culture these days. I go there for a slice of everyday family life. I just don't think Jeffy needed to sing "Pants on the Ground" He could have done the same thing by singing some typical child's song like "Row, Row, Row your Boat", "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" or L.L. Cool J's "I need love".

Furthermore: this song hasn't been noteworthy in two months (which in American Idol time might as well be 700 years). The strip was cute, and it did warm the cockles of my coal black heart, but the Family Circus isn't the place for topical humor. You don't last 50 years as comics strip by making jokes about flash in the pan cultural phenomenon. I mean, Peanuts didn't last as long is it did b/c Charles Schultz by making strips about Charlie Brown and Snoopy teaching Woodstock to do the Macarena.

See... this is why I'm going to die before my time... b/c I get too worked up about foolish things.

Too angry to heart you right now,

Blakely A-dam Sumner