the best job in the world?

ah spring time. the weather is getting warmer. grass is growing again. bees are pollinating stuff. and (most importantly) the most important man on the planet is at long last coming out of hibernation to teach the world how to love again at long last.

that's right boys and girls, i speak of the sign spinner. that's right. the man and/or woman that cheapskate businesses hire to stand on the curb in front of their businesses and spin a sign dramatically to garner more traffic into their business is at long last back after too long an absence.

i luv the sign spinner for many reasons. it really is the only job in the world where you get paid well below minimum wage to stand (often in a silly costume) in the boiling heat while you text your best friend Ray Ray about how awesome Brandy's party is going to be on friday while you listen to the newest system of a down single on your iPod.

I often wonder what the average sign spinner does with his days. I mean, I can only assume that he has plenty of free time because, let's face it, it's not that mentally demanding a job.

I'm sorry if that offends your cousin Jeffy who spins signs for a living, but it's the truth. We all know that standing out in the elements blasting Maneater by Hall & Oates on your iPod while you pretend to hold a sign upside down until a passing car honks the horn at you is a far cry form brain surgery. It just is. But... as usual, I seem to have strayed from my point.

I wonder what the sign spinner does to occupy the part of their mind not consumed by sign spinning? Do they begin to plot their novel? Do they begin to devise ways to spend their sign spinning millions? Do they hatch plots against the many who have wronged them in their short time on this earth?

I personally think that they use he time to try to figure out exactly where it all went wrong. B/c let's face it... no one wakes up one morning and says "Hrmmm... you know what... I'll stand in the heat/cold/rain/tsunami and spin a cardboard sign advertising the local Hungry Howie's for $6.25 a day. And, to make matters worse, those signs that the spinner is spinning has never, ever, been a deciding factor in anyone's dining/house buying/ puppy purchasing experience. Yep... that's good clean living.

Note: I realized as I was typing this last sentence that what I was typing could have offended someone, especially in these trying economic times. That is not my intention. I am merely pointing out the odder aspects of what I consider to be an absolutely worthless job. Dang it... I did it again just now. Ok... so... my point was: I'm not trying to offend you. If what I wrote did offend you, please understand that I meant it satirically, and that I rarely ever mean anything I write in this blog. And... as I've stated before, I'm a horrible person.

So in conclusion, I feel sorry for the sign spinner, and you should too. Next time you see them hawking their wares on the side of the road... stop and converse with them. You'll either make them feel better about the horribly misstep they took in life... or scare the ever living crap out of them.

Heart,

Blakely A-dam Sumner